Bi Polar Baby Momma Drama

18 Sep

Okay…first off let me say that I do not have any children, nor am I anyone’s 2nd wife…

That being said….THANK GOD!!!!!

I have been hearing horror stories about normal girls having to deal with their man’s baby’s mother/ex-wife/ex sister-in-law and her CRAZY ASS SHIT!!!

LADIES…if you relationship/marriage ends…BECAUSE OF U…maybe you should have a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up!!!

It’s over, move on…why must you make ur exes life miserable and torture the lives of his family?

What does that do for you? You make urself look like a complete asshole, and then ya know what…you ex goes and tell’s people how u are, AND WE ALL LAUGH AT U!!!!

TAKE THE HIGH ROAD!!!

Maybe admit you fucked up, and now play the hand YOU dealt!

Or perhaps seek therapy and work on ur bi polar nonsense, cause it aint fair to ur ex, it aint fair to his family, and it sure as hell aint fair to UR KID…who u are using as a pawn to make ur ex husbands life miserable….SHAME ON U!

You aint nothing but a PEAR…with HAIR!!!

 

Always in our HEARTS…Forever on our MINDS

11 Sep

“Freedom itself was attacked this morning by a faceless coward and freedom will be defended. We will not tire, we will not falter, and we will not fail” – George W. Bush

Whats the emoticon for dickless?

10 Aug

Men who use emoticons….THIS is why I hate u…

First off let me start by saying I find women who use emoticons annoying. I mean a wink here and there fine, a sad face ok…but must every single thing you write have some yellow-faced dick on the end of it???? ( and NOOOOO I don’t mean Asians)

Now they have like 8 trillion different little annoying characters as if the smiley faces weren’t bad enough….

BUT…there is NOTHING worse than a full-grown adult male who feels the need to add a smiley face on the end of his txt.

Are you slow?

Are you Gay?

Cause either of those would be acceptable…But NO straight man over the age of 8 years old should be using emoticons, END OF STORY!

I’m not single, but if I was and I just met a guy, and we were doing that first stage txting /sexting flirtation that everyone loves, and he did this 🙂 or 😉 – I would pull my panties right back up and shut off my phone…

What? You don’t txt with ur pants off? Well that’s neither here nor there….point is PUSSY BOY…cut the shit…before I kick you in ur KEN MOUND you shell of a man!!!

Its unattractive, it’s not cute, it’s not playful…its annoying….and I HATE U FOR IT!

Be a man, write “hahahaha” and leave it at that!

AND I’M DONE!

If any pet was capable of being a cunt…its a cat.

9 Aug

I will first start off by saying I am totally against cruelty to animals…

BUT…If I ever felt the need to strike out on an animal…it would be the PUSSY of all PETS…the CAT

First off you are stuck up snotty little fuckers!!

A dog kisses you, a dog loves you, hell we even taught my dog to give hugs.

What can you teach a cat to do???

How about survive on its own for weeks without you…NOT NORMAL…and fucking creepy. I do not want a pet that’s more capable of taking care of itself than I am.

I mean you don’t need to take a cat for a walk, its gonna shit in a  box when it wants to…which is part of the reason I hate them – I don’t want an animal pooping and peeing indoors ever…

ALSO…2 words HAIR BALLS...GROSS and enough said on that..

One of the other main reasons I wanna lock every cat I see in a room until it eats itself is because I am fairly certain that all cats are evil.

With their piercing eyes and flexible spines…they lurk around, slowly and silently waiting to steal ur babies soul while they sleep….. TRUE STORY…my grandma told me!! 😉

They climb on shit…rub up against ur leg….. and then when you FINALLY go to pet them…. they tense up like ur their creepy molester uncle…what kinda fun is that?

SO…please kitty cats stay away from me…or I will be forced to try to insert you into an ATM like Patrick Bateman…thank you

 

 

 

 

 

HAPPY ONE YEAR TO ME!!!

3 Aug

It’s hard to believe but I actually made it a year without being shut down or sued!!!

Thank you to all the people who listen to me rant, rave and abuse!!

In honor of my one year, I will be holding a reader rant contest…

Submit to b.davis@thisiswhyihateu.com

Winner will receive a T-shirt and maybe I will let you know who I really am 😉

Contest Ends September 3rd!!!

Who told you thats okay??

10 Jul

There is an epidemic going around…

Move over swine flu, bird flu, zombies….

This epidemic is dangerous to us all – Young, Old, Black, White, Puerto Rican and Haitian…

LITTLE CLOTHING…BIG PERSON

Symptoms include:  bleeding eyes, excessive VOM FACE, and restless phone syndrome…

What is restless phone syndrome u ask? It the inability to stop from pointing, clicking and uploading…

Major causes are: bikini’s in size 22, hot shorts on large pitted thighs, and fat guy in a little shirt – just to name a few…

Please send me pictures of such offenses…I will post them in my “What the FUCK are you wearing” section on the blog…

Email me @ b.davis@thisiswhyihateu.com

 

 

Commuter Rage

14 Jun

Do you hate slow walkers?

Do you get the urge to punch people in the back of the head?

Do you sometimes visualize pushing people down the stairs before 9am?

YOU…may be suffering from COMMUTER RAGE!!

Take it from me, I HAVE IT!

With medication it can be controlled but never cured…sort of like herpes

I swear to God, commuting every morning and night is making me a very mean and angry person!!

I just don’t understand “PEOPLE”. The vast majority of commuters must be missing a gene or suffering from some sort of birth defect, cause u just don’t act right.

Like who farts in a crowded train car?

And don’t give me “sometimes u cant help it”.

I have the urge to pee a lot, but I don’t wet my pants, I can help that, so you know what, you can hold in ur fart until ur in the open air.

Yesterday on the train I was sitting in my seat minding my own business when I heard what only can be described as air leaking out of a balloon. The fucking nasty fuck standing next to my seat farted –

IN AND AROUND MY MOUTH.

It smelt like fish and garbage and stale ass and I had nowhere to go, I was attacked by this commuting douchbags asshole.

And you know what else…ROLLING SUITCASES…WHY????

Why do you need a rolly bag with you to go to the office? What do you have in there? And better yet, why don’t you know how to fucking walk with it? Tripping people, slowing down a strangers day…that aint right. I HATE U

These are just some of the leading cause of commuter rage.

I know when an attack is coming, my upper lip starts to sweat, my hands magically turn into fists, I clench my teeth…and before u know it…BOOM…total HULK MODE.

At least when you get road rage you can honk the fuck out of your horn, let off some steam…ya know what maybe one of those hand-held horns should be distributed with all train passes and metro cards…would sure as hell make me feel better!

AM I ALONE HERE??